Why Octopus May Never Be As Popular As Pasta in the United States…

 1.  Its cooked state is arguably more horrifying than its raw state.  In the future, I need to remember to trim the slender little tentacle ends before cooking when trying to convert octopus naysayers). 

 

2.  The beautiful purple hue left in your ceramic stockpot would make for a lovely lip gloss hue, but we would be banned from many a cosmetics counter for attempting to describe the shade as “you know, the tone of leftover octopus cooking water.” 

3.  Octopus are smarter than 99% of my co-workers and, I am fairly certain (yet do not know for a fact) 100% tastier. 

4.  Once one has cooked whole octopus, one can never look at those stress-relieving squeeze heads quite the same way ever again. 

5.  If you are a pet owner, you cannot leave the kitchen unattended. 

Exhibit A: 

 

Three octopus were cooked.  Um, where is head no. 3? 

Exhibit B: 

The Tentacle of Guilty Conscience...

 

Found upon the kitchen floor the next morning.  One of the felines, Turnip or Zelda, developed a guilty conscience overnight. 

Octopus? I have no idea what you're talking about. Now give me a Greenie.

 

But, hidden octopus heads aside (I will send a special “Foffee in the Afternoon” prize to a clairvoyant reader who can psychically locate the missing head), I will happily scrub my Le Creuset, cut off heads, trim tentacles, peel potatoes and put up with the groans and “ewws” of friends and family when I remove the fresh octopus from the fishmonger’s plastic bag for this: 

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